July 13, 2012
My Mortality
Ugh.
That's exactly how I feel right now.
I've been in San Diego for two days now, and all I can say is that I have never had my own mortality shoved into my face so brutally before. My weight and lack of physical activity had put me in a state where if, God forbid, I have to run or go over any obstacles to save my life, I will fail horribly.
The San Diego Convention Center is huge. I heard it was something like 13 football fields long (I'd say more like 6). I've been doing a lot of walking these last couple of days, but not nearly as much as I should be able to. By the end of the first day (I was only at the Con for about 3 hours), my ankles were swollen and I was about tod cry from the pain of standing. Today wasn't much better. I walked from one end of the convention center to the other, then walked anoter half mile to a grocery store, and then turned around and walked all the way back to the beginning. I was dying, and went back to my hotel room. I haven't left my hotel room since.
I am severely disappointed in myself. How could I allow myself to get so out of shape? Something that a normal person could do with no sweat incapacitates me for the rest of the day. This feeling of disgust with myself is what drove me to get the Lap Band Surgery.
Honestly, it's my own fault for not working out and trying to get into some sort of shape for this Con. I have no good excuse at all, besides my own fear and laziness. While I've been having the time of my life here, I've also been in some of the worst pain of my life, which is preventing me from enjoying everything to its fullest. This is my motivation.
Good news is that when I get home, I will be stronger than when I left. Hopefully, this will make for a better transition into an active lifestyle. It's time I step up to the plate.
Oh yeah.
I ate pizza. Yeah, after sticking to protein and low carbs for the last few weeks, the sauce on that pizza, well... Yeah, no bueno.
And one more thing...
I just found out you guys don't get notified when I reply to your comments. I try to reply to everyone, so from now on, I'll try and send it to your email. If it won't let me, always know that there is a reply waiting for you here. :)
Pictures will be up sometime next week. I'm still on the search for the Princess Leia with a beard I saw earlier today. :P
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I have found that at the end of "our" posts about a not so great day we bandsters often have a food confession. lol
ReplyDeleteyay for pictures, and yay for you getting home soon, you will get fit in time, and this convention will just be what you can think back on when you think about not getting in exercise daily. I hope you do not spend the time there hating yourself for what you havent done in the past, try to focus on this big big! thing you are doing now, you are making a change, you are doing something now so give yourself a pat on the back because now is what counts and what matters the past is over...
Exactly. I was just feeling so down in the dumps about how much pain I was in, I just needed a little pat on the back. :)
DeleteIt takes time, do not beat yourself up about it, make a plan to better yourself. There is a blog from Holly (Holly from 300 pounds down) where she outlined the beginning of her fitness plan; walking one mailbox. Her brother mapped out all the benches in Walmart and she would walk to one bench and rest then go to the next.
ReplyDeleteYou know the old joke about eating an elephant? Well you aren't going to be able to wake up one day and run a marathon, take it one step, one day at a time. I believe in you.
One step at a time, indeed. I need to calm my impatience down.
DeleteI started off just walking and built up from there...I would walk wherever I could whenever I could even if it was 3 times a day 15min at time...you can do this!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Walking will eventually turn to jogging, and before you know it, I'll be running miles!
DeleteDon't be so hard on yourself about not being in shape...say good things about yourself because you are doing something about it!! Have fun in San Diego :)
ReplyDeleteYou're right, I need to stay positive. This is not the time to show my pessimistic side.
DeleteI'm assuming you're at the big C con and therefore I hate you! SO JEALOUS. But remember that we all have to start somewhere, and you're on your way! I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip (and find that Leia!)
ReplyDeleteLol, I hope you can come one day. This is my first time here, and I plan on going back next year. It takes a whole year of planning, lol. But yes, you're right. I do need to start somewhere, and start small. :!
DeleteYou did a lot of walking. I can guarantee you there are some skinny minnies out there struggling too because they don't have the muscle tone.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up. You are having fun, you are on your journey. It will only go up from here! :)
That's the attitude I need. It can't possibly get worse if I work hard at it!
DeleteAre you at a Star Wars convention??? In 1990, I accidently walked into one. I could not stop laughing. And how serious everyone took their role in the convention.
ReplyDeleteTake it easy. I was banded on June 27th.
I'm at Comic Con. There are some Star Wars fans, yes. You're a relatively new Bandster, like me. How are you feeling?
Deletei have another SA friend at comicon too! it's totally cool being there but yea i have to laugh sometimes!
ReplyDeleteMy son and I really want to go to ComicCon next year. Please post pics!
ReplyDelete